Feeling

I've had alot of time to think lately, and even when I don't have the time to think, I tend to do so anyway. I've started to write out blogs numerous times since my last one, and every time I have thrown it out and started over. I don't have alot of interaction with people, so I don't have too many stories, and I end up trying to figure out if the few readers that read this will take my words put them away in their minds and their hearts, and toss them around in their thoughts for awhile.

I've thought about talking about what I do during the day... That's boring... I thought about writing about my darling husband, but then I thought, "It might look like I'm making complete fun of him when I'm not..." So I ruled that out too. Like I said, I've thought this over alot, and even as I sit here tonight I don't know if I have enough to write out one complete thought. I've been having so many fragmented thoughts... Jumping from one topic in my brain to another. They connect in ways, but usually only ways that I understand, and only I care about.

I've been missing home lately. This is something I knew would happen. I think I've missed home since I left. Josh and I have been here two months as of today. Some days it seems like we just got here, and then there are others that just seem like we have been here forever. I guess that could be said for anyplace. I think it seems longer when you're away from the people you love the most. Family and friends are my air. They are who I am. My happiness is in their happiness. Does that make sense?

So I'm going to confess that while I have doing well here there are days when I get down. And on those days little things upset me. I wake up this way, and usually go to bed that way. But usually these are forgotten about by the next morning and I am feeling at peace with where we are and what we are doing here.

I am an observer. I think I always have been. I'm a people watcher and I usually really take in most things around me. There are those occasional times when I dont pay much attention, but everyone does that.

On days when I'm sad I go outside. I breathe in the sweet smell of summer and I remember what God gave me. He created this place, he created this place to work in similar places all around the world, and I think that sometimes this small fact comforts me. I feel the warmth on my skin, I breathe the air and I know that others are doing the same thing. I like to think that people I know are doing the same things. I used to do this as a child when I missed someone. I thought of all the things that we could be doing that were the same and I felt a closeness.

Today I woke up and I felt good. I felt blessed to live the life I live. I walked outside and warmth enveloped me. I listened to a song that inspired me today, and I realize how far I've come, but still how far I have to go. There is something about this artist that touches my heart and really makes me think about my life. But what I take from them could be completely different from what someone else takes them. I feel a healing from these songs, and I love this feeling.

Here are a few things that comfort me when I'm feeling by myself, things that lift me up.

1. Listening to songs I remember from my childhood. Mostly songs my dad listened to that remind me of him.

2. I do something creative. I think of new things I want to do, I write them down and stash them away.

3. I write about everything I am thinking about. Today I have written a few cards, written to a friend, and written in a journal, and now I'm writing on here. I'm good today, though. Writing is a part of my daily life.

4. I take photos. Nothing helps more than writing and photography.

5. I feel... I take in everything I absolutely can. I revel in the noise of this place, and those few seconds of complete silence that make you look up from what you are doing. I feel every emotion that I have to its greatest extent. I recognize it, bask in the glory that I am who I am, and go on to something else.

6. I talk to my momma! That always makes my day better. She's a pretty cool mom.

7. I watch reruns of Golden Girls and Reba. I've watched Golden Girls since I was a child, and that always makes me feel better.

8. I make sure I cuddle my husband extra on those days when I'm having a bad day. I look for his comforting words, and his confidence boosting, "You can do that if you want to " way of thinking.

9. I talk to God. I've been doing alot of this lately. I do forget to pray when I go to bed most nights. I start and then fall asleep, but I talk to him throughout the day, so I think he forgives me.

and I have to have a 10. since I've had everything else.... Let's see...

10. Whenever I'm having a bad day I talk to my sweet friend Beka. She always tells me I'm going to be okay. These simple words are comfort on a day when I don't think these words can be true. I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for.

What do you do when you are having a bad day?

Please tell me!

Have a wonderful, beautiful blessed day!

Alyssa