I Love Being A Girl

I don't know how many times over the last three and a half years that I've been with Josh that I've groaned, screamed, sighed the words, "I hate being a girl." The cramps, the insecurities, the drama, the crying,and the stressing... I mean really. Women are unpredictable. I am definitely a testament to that. We love with everything we have, we make decisions with our hearts when we should make decisions with our heads. But not all of those things are bad things. We are emotional, and passionate, loving and kind. We are attuned to the needs of others in a way that the opposite sex can never be. We have bonds with soul friends, that can't be broken, and we have the need to make connections with people. We have style, and class, beauty, and brains. A combination that cannot be stopped! And some of us are lucky enough to have men in our lives that drive us crazy, but realize when it comes down to it, they truly do adore us. We get to pamper ourselves, wear high heels, talk for hours, and laugh til we cry. So, as awful as it is to feel like you won't age as gracefully as your husband, or the dread you feel because that cellulite on the back of your legs just won't go away, remember that it really is a beautiful thing to be a woman. And love it.

Images found here: The Sartorialist and The Dust Jacket Attic Photos by: Scott Schuman, Serge Guerand, Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott

A Little Bit About Moi

Just thought I would put a few random facts about me on here, bear with me. If you can't that's okay too:)

I am- a wife. a daughter. a sister. a photographer. a dreamer. a romantic.

I think- love is the most beautiful thing in the world.

I know- the little things are what really matter.

I want- to love with abandon, Starbucks shaken green tea, to live in Europe again, to learn Italian and French.

I have- so many things I want to do, a wonderful husband, an awesome family, and soul friends.

I wish- I had it all together, my dad and grandparents were still here.

I hate- Bad customer service, making phone calls, running.

I miss- my dad, having that childlike wonder, not having to pay bills.

I feel- most like myself when I am being creative, like being a nomad.

I crave- chips and salsa, always. long conversations with friends, Margaritas from El Rancho, and peanut M&M's.

I search- for inspiration, for ways to be a better person.

I wonder- what my children's laughter will sound like.

I regret- not taking risks, the times I didn't spend with my dad.

I love- Josh, traveling, family, friends, Peonies,Europe, good books, wine, photography, laughing, and art.

I care- about your story, about others feelings, about family.

I always- listen to music, procrastinate, change my outfit at least twice in the morning.

I am not- Quiet, athletic, a football fan (sin of sins)

I believe- in Jesus, everyone should do what they love.

I dance around my house.

I sing- all the time, mostly in the car, sometimes at church.

I laugh- Most when my brother is around.

I cry- over most things - happy or sad, when others cry.

I don't always- rinse out my bowl before I stick it in the sink.

I write- lists, on every piece of paper I see, to keep myself sane.

I lose- my cell phone at least 5 times a day.

I never- take compliments well, like grocery shopping.

I listen- to the quiet, Pandora, 50's music.

I can usually be found- editing photos, blog stalking, with Josh.

I'm scared of- SPIDERS!

I need- Jesus, my family, to feel loved, creativity.

I can't wait- to meet new people, to make art.

Via Country Living

Loving the Sun!!

It has been beautiful the last few days, and it makes me so happy. This sun is way over due. I hear it's not going to last for long, but I hope it comes back again soon. One of my favorite things about this time of year is the Cherry Blossoms. So yesterday I took a few minutes to get a few photos out in the parking lot of the apartment complex to snap a few pictures before they disappear. They always seem to pop up and then leave before I can get around to taking some pictures! This year I have proof!

If you have nice weather where you are, I hope you are enjoying it! Have a wonderful week!

Alyssa

Yes, I Am Alive...

So I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted last. And to tell you the truth, I really don't have much interesting to talk about today. I see that the last time I posted was the week before my Feb. 28th wedding, which must mean that I burried myself in shoot lists, things I needed to finish up cleaning and all the other things I do on a regular basis, just multiplied by 10. So I've decided that this morning I should pull my self out of this hole I have made for myself, and emerge into the sunshine... Well sunshine/gray skies/snow...

Yes it is snowing again... Let the pandemonium ensue, because we all know it will, and we all know that it already has. I'm pretty sure that this morning when we all woke up to snow the world stopped spinning and their was a collective "crap" uttered from every person that has to drive to work this morning. No, I am not in this category, so I cannot fully understand. How I make it to work is not effected. All I have to do is pop out of bed and walk to my desk. Really hard, right? Weather like this effects me too. I can't have a session when the weather is awful. But I'm not screaming at the sky wondering why God has decided to spite me once again. There is nothing I can do about the snow, it snows every year. Yes, this year has been extra special, but it's not like we have just witnessed the apocolypse.

Onward, before I get angry. Like I said earlier, I have been in a hole for the last two weeks. I have been widdling away at my website, fine tuning it, thinking I'm finished, and then changing something that was probably fine to begin with, but it wasn't great. On top of that, I have been editing like crazy. So this is me apologizing to the very few of you who actually check this blog. There is nothing interesting to talk about. It's been work, work, work. Maybe tomorrow I will tell you about our adventure in house hunting. Until then, here is a little sneak peek at the site that should be up soon!!!

Yes, I know this is crooked.

The mess I created for my desk yesterday after I organized the closet.

Sad Day

So I bought the last issue of Domino Magazine yesterday. I have been on the look out for the last few days. The Target in Kelso just never seems to have the new issue when everyone else does. This might be a plot to irritate me, and if it is, then the plan always works because there are few things that make me more uspet than having to wait for an issue to get into the store when I know it is out other places.

I joined the masses in depression the day I found out that my FAVORITE interior design magazine was closing it's doors due to the poor economy. I actually got upset, I threw up my hands and without hesitation said, "Oh no, no, no... This can't happen." I'm pretty sure I was having a bad day that day anyway. I think that was the day that I totally murdered our lasagna (which as never happened), Safeway didnt have anything I went looking for on my list, and on top of that I got a jury duty summons. I have been called up 3 or 4 times since I was old enough to register. The icing on the cake was Domino going under. If Josh hadn't have been sitting next to me I might have cried, and then thrown myself in agony on the floor, I haven't done that since I was a child, but I do tend to throw things like hangers and pots when I get mad.

So when Josh came home yesterday, and I told him reluctantly that I bought the very last issue of Domino, accompanied by a small sound that can be compared to that of a dying cat, he turned to me and said, I have some bad news. The first thought that runs through your head when they come home from work is, "Oh god, he lost his job." But this wasn't the case. He told me that they also announced that our favorite morning radio talk show that we would listen to every morning while on our 40 minute drive into town back when we first got married was airing its LAST show either today, or yesterday, I can't remember which. JUST SHOOT ME NOW!!! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. I love talk radio, the funny kind, not the Dr. Marsha Fieldstone kind from Sleepless in Seattle. The kind that drones on and on and makes you want to jump out of the car window.

I was actually excited in the mornings to drive in silence with Josh, drinking our coffee, and listening to Adam Corrola complain about anything and everything. Yes, in fact he can complain about beautiful sunny days that aren't too hot or too cold. Anything could be argued with. Does that make me a bad person? That I love to listen to that kind of stuff, and I find it entertaining? Apparently, I'm just sarcastic enough to LOVE it. It doesn't seem like the normal way to start a day. A good cup of joe, and some ranting and raving, we didnt care. So what do I do now? Listen to Don Imus on the radio? He's gone now right? I don't have Sirius radio either. He's old and grumpy looking anyway. I much prefer the sarcastic 40 something. If Don Imus ever read this I'm sure he would have some sort of mean comeback about the state of my hair, because he seems to be so clever in the mean comments to innocent people.

Anyway, onward. I thought I would post a few of my favorites from Domino today, and if I couldfigure out how to add a little music to this post, I would definitely choose "Taps" If you listen closely, I'm sure you can hear a little trumpet playing...

I don't usually like white walls, I love color, but black

and white are always perfect. This mostly white bedroom makes me happy

Those are just a few. There seems to be a theme today with the little blue touches. Josh hates that color. I LOVE it as an accent.

Yes We Can: January 20, 2009

No matter who you voted for in the 2008 election, today is a moment that will go down in history. Never before have people been so excited, and held so much hope for the future. Today can be a turning point for this nation, and while we have so far to go, I am proud of how far we have come. Today is a special day, a powerful day, and a beautiful day. I pray for our new President's strength, and wisdom! I hope you enjoy this day for all it is worth!

God Bless!

Alyssa

Hello New Year!

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted. Not much interesting has gone on here since the New Year started. There was flooding here, but that's about it. I'm working away on new products, and prices for 2009 so that is keeping me pretty busy during the day. I'm stressing out major about all that. Hopefully, things will start picking up soon after I get all my stuff up and ready to go! I'm in the process of making a few flyers to put out at our apartment complex, and in the process I made a little something-something that I will print out and hang on a wall somewhere, and I made this at the same time. I had a huge headache this morning, so I slept in a bit, and when I woke up the sun was making its way out from behind the fog. Now we have a full fleged sunny day, and it is glorious! Of course it is freezing outside, but at least there is sun! Have a wonderful day everyone, and hopefully I will have something interesting to blog about soon.

What Makes You Come Alive?

From the days of absolutely no greater worry than, "What toy should I play with," to the days of reflection on how quickly time passes in its undeniably fleeting way, we as humans are tyring to find out who we are and what we want to become.

It amazes me that we start deciding at such an innocent age, and such an innocent state of mind. Childhood dreams are blooming. We are told that we can do absolutely anything we want, and we believe this whole heartedly. We dream of being things such as astronauts, and ballerinas, pirates and princesses and the more spectacular the idea, the better. While some of these dreams are unrealistic, some are not. I remember wanting to be a gospel singer. I still sing to this day, but I sing at church, not on a stage in front of thousands. I never had the desire to be a firefighter, I could get hurt, and there was no way I would be a ballerina, too much pink frills. I decided I wanted to be an artist in elementry school and to this very day I still want to be an artist. I am a photographer now, but if I could find a way to get paid alot of money to color in a coloring book I might consider being a professional coloring book person (does that even exist)?

As we get older our minds change: sometimes due to a loss of interest or because something far more exciting has come our way. I sometimes wonder where those spectacular dreams of sucess and excitement go. Are they simply forgotten or have we just pushed them so far back into our minds they seem unretrievable by the current adult selves that we have come to be? At what point in our lives do we stop believing in these dreams and abandon them for something that is more acceptable? I sometimes wonder how many of us end up not doing the things we have always wanted to do.

I think we are a nation and a world where success is measured by the size of our income, the size of our house, and our outward appearance. Is that how it is supposed to be? I don't think so, I would hope not. We are all guilty of thinking this way. I am. All of these things are nice, but we often find ourselves searching for happiness. We look continuously, but usually in the wrong places.

So many of us want to follow our dreams but sometimes we stop short because either someone, society, or even worse, we've told ourselves we can't. Why can't we?

I think there is something in all of us that needs an outlet. A time to do that something that we love, that something that makes us happy. I have to do something creative everyday. Even if the creative thing is only a small thing, I need this creative outlet or I don't feel like myself. I feel in someway that I am failing myself, and my needs. I wish we all had time to do the things that we really want to do, I think it is so important.

I read a quote once, probably one of my most favorite quotes I've ever come across. It inspires me when I look at it. I keep it on the refrigerator at home, and I sometimes carry it with me. Seeing it gives me the confidence to do what makes me happy and gives me the confidence to do what makes my heart come alive. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

I don't know what Harold Thurman Whitman was thinking about when he said this, and I don't think he knew he would inspire people with that one thought, but he has inspired me. I hope it inspires you to do what you love. Just imagine how much more fulfilling life would be if we could all take the time to do the things we love, and took the time to do the things that make us come alive.

So, among the many other goals that I have for myself this year I'm going to really try for this one. To ask myself not what the world needs, but what I need. What things make me happy? But at the same time what kind of gifts can I give back to the ones I love, and what gifts can I give to the world? I need to ask what makes me come alive? What makes you come alive?

God Bless!

Alyssa

Soul Friends

I am a lover of quotes, reading what other people have to say about life, and the people in it have always fascinated me. But what does loving quotes have to do with friendship? Nothing really, other than the fact that there seems to be a never ending list of quotes on friendship. Isn't that nice? In a world where everyone is different, or at least striving to make themselves different, we all need the same things to feel like a whole person.

I found it interesting in my sociology class two years ago to find out that while my personality and beliefs are different from someone in a different continent, I still need friendship, I still need to feel socially excepted. God created us all to be different, but we all need the necessities.

In the twenty years I have been blessed to be on this planet, I have created many sweet friendships. Some have come, and some have gone, but all have made me the person that I am today. I have a few friends that I thought I would never have built friendships with, and I've lost some friends I never thought I would lose. Was it me? Or was it them? Does it matter anymore? I don't think so. We all grow, but it takes growing up, but growing together to keep a friendship strong.

Alot of people say that friendships should be easy, and a part of me agrees with this statement, but another part of me disagrees as well. While friendships either click, and you have an instant chemistry with someone, to keep a friendship, and to keep a good one takes work. I am the first person to say that I have to work on my friendships, and I've sat down more than a couple times to reflect on my friendships and what I have done, and what I have not done. Most of the time I feel like a terrible friend.

I believe there are different types of friends. Friends that are aquaintances, friends that are close, and friends that are soul friends. I love all types of friends, but these soul friends are the ones that have changed my life the most. They make my heart happy just by seeing them, or getting a nice message at the end of a really bad day. They make me a better person. These people in my life are a small handful, and I don't think that there should be more than a handful. I think these people are the most beautiful, and most captivating in the world. Each of them brings something different to my life.

When Josh and I were doing our pre-marriage counseling (something that was required to get married), we were told to write down a list of reasons why we wanted to marry the other person. I loved my answers, and in our next meeting I was so excited to read them to Josh. Our pastor liked them, but told us both to come back the next week and write down things that we ourselves could give to the relationship, not just what we were getting from the other person.

I believe that having a friendship is at the core similar to having a marriage. That basic prinicpal. There is giving and there is receiving. While I get things from having a friendship, I should be more concerned with what I am giving. Have I thought about it that way before? Yes, but have I acted on it? I don't know. My friends have made a huge impact on my life, but have I made a significant impact in theirs? If not, what can I do to touch their hearts the way they have touched me? My goal this year: find something that I bring to my friendships, and strive to make them a happier person.

My favorite friendship quote: "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

~Albert Schweitzer

Keeping My Sanity

So I'm sitting here yet again at this computer doing the same thing that I do everyday. Look at blogs, and brainstorm, and dream up ideas for my photography. I think I've come to a lull in my life, something that drives me crazy because I'm the type of person that needs to be constantly doing something to feel productive.

But like I said, here I sit again. I think about things alot while I'm sitting at this computer, I think alot wherever I am. It's one of my curses I guess, I overthink everthing. Josh leaves every morning at seven, and from seven until two o'clock I am left to my own thoughts, and my own vices. My mind runs rampant with thoughts, and ideas, but sometimes it runs rampant with negative thoughts about myself, and sometimes I overwhelm myself in my own negativity. One negative thought leads to another, and I'm feeling like I'm not good at anything I do.

Have you ever felt like that, or am I the only person. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world that makes myself feel bad when no one else has said a word. Apparently, I'm my own worst critic, and my own worst enemy. Isn't that the way the world works? We are usually so much harder on ourselves than anyone else has ever been. There is a part of me that likes it though, for some odd reason. It keeps me going. Right now I'm stuck in a rut, but soon, I know
I will be out of it, and I will be just as cheery, and confident in myself as I was a few months ago.

Having the need to keep busy at all times is also one of my curses. Not being able to relax and enjoy downtime was a trait of my father's and I have so obviously inherited it. When did I become this person that needs to be constantly productive, and if I'm not at work making money I feel like I'm letting down my husband, my family, and myself? Josh has never made me feel that way, but like I said, I do it to myself.

The only thing that is keeping my sanity in check is that I go to work everyday in the afternoon. Not enough time at work for my tastes, but with my job, and 8 other people working such a small area, it's impossible to have me work anymore hours than I am. I understand that. In all reality though, my job also does a great job at driving me crazy. I work for 23 different children. On an average day we have more than 12. I absolutely love kids, but I've been working there for almost 5 years now, and it is soon time for something different! I'm way overdue for a new adventure, although I'm living a new adventure right now.

Yes, marriage is an adventure alright. I've only been married to Josh for two and a half months, and it seems like an eternity. Just kidding, I do really like being married. Josh is such an amazing person. I love being a wife, but I don't think I am one of those wives that will get total fulfillment out of staying home and keeping up the house. I give every women that can do that the highest praise because it is the hardest and sometimes the most thankless job in the world, but at times, just being able to be home and be with your kids and to watch them grow up is more than enough.

Josh and I aren't having kids for a good while yet, and while it seems like everyone and their cousin is carting around a little one, and I swoon over every one of them, I don't want a baby right now. A part of me does, but at the same time I know I need the freedom of just me and Josh together. Does that seem selfish? Having children is such a selfless job. Is there any absolutely perfect time to have a baby? No. I'm just going to have to have the best time spoiling my friend Danae's little girl when she's born, eventhough I will have to do it from another country.

Anyway, enough of baby, and onto life as a nomad. Oh the excitment, freedom, and angst at the same time. There is a part of me that loves not being tied down to any one definite place, but I think that the mystery and excitment disappeared when I went from being a nomad in Europe to being a nomad in Montesano. The culture is lacking here, where as I could have lived on spaghetti and meatsauce, and love in Italy for the rest of my life. I truly love my country, but my heart is really in Europe. It's just me. Josh tells me that I have to learn italian, and then we can go back. Yea, when I'm 50. :( I was inspired there, in a way that I have never been before, and I'm scared that I will never find that inspiration again. Why was a different country, and a different way of life my inspiration to love more, to enjoy life more, and gave me the strength to follow my passion? Have I lost that coming home? If so, why? and can I return to state of mind without leaving again?