It's About The Journey

Have I complained about Monday's before? I'm sure I have. Like 99% of the population, I love the weekend 1,000 times more than I love the weekday. I start to get sad on Sundays because the week is starting. Why do I let Mondays bother me so much? Why do any of us let Monday's bother us so much? Is it worth it? No. But I still take part in the whining when Monday rolls around.

Nothing to exciting happened this weekend, nothing really worth talking about. I had an epiphany at work on Friday while I was getting snack ready for the kids. That painting that I couldn't figure out just came to me while I was busy. I sat down really quick before the school aged kids got there, and sketched out my work as fast as a I could and as well as I could. They walked in the door just as I was finishing. Good thing I had my sketch book with me. Isn't it strange that things come to you at such odd times.

Josh's friends came up to our house this weekend to have a boys night. I thought sleepovers stopped when you got married, I could be totally wrong, though. I've only been married for 3 and a half months, I don't know much about being married, only a few things:). Anyway, the boys saw the start of my underpainting, and asked me all sorts of questions about painting. I know nothing about painting, other than I like paint, and I like to paint. I took an art class in high school that was drawing the first quarter of the year, and painting the second quarter. That was my senior year, I did band the other three years, I should have taken art instead. I know a little bit about painting, but my teacher was there basically to tell us she was a terrific artist, and to watch us do it ourselves, but never really teach us how to do it. I loved her work, but I don't remember her teaching me anything. Everything I learned was self taught, and I didn't self teach myself much. I taught myself enough to get an A+ at the end of the year.

So, I know nothing of the rules of painting. I do what I want, and do it my way. It's that way with most things. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants, figure it out by trial and error way. I teach myself, but I learn things best by experimenting, not reading about it.

How do you learn? There are so many different ways to learn. I could be told how to do something 124 times and not understand until I see someone do it.

Anyway, since I started painting last week at the begining of the week, my painting has changed at least three times. Oh the beauty of art. We can change our minds, and develop one concept so many different times. My piece may be completely different from when I started. The end product is so gratifying, but the journey is just as beautiful. Isn't that true about so many things?

Have a blessed Monday!

Alyssa

Because I'm Bored

And because I am in town... I was kicked out of my house. I miss Josh already. I'm pathetic. So, because I am bored, I thought I would fill this out!

4 Jobs I have had:

1. My first real job. Working at Eileen's. I started at 16, and I'm still there watching kids. Other people's kids! HA! I must be crazy. I'm checking myself into the crazy ward as soon as I stop working there. It's been almost 5 years now that I've been there. I should have checked myself in a long time ago.

2.Photographer. As of now, I am being paid for what I do. I hear that what you do is only a hobby until you are being paid. Well, I get paid, but I don't have a steady flow of work. But I guess most starting photographers can say that.

3. Model Stand-In: For one day. I stood in at a photoshoot I was attending with my uncle. I was contacted a few days later to do a casting call for a real job, but modeling isn't my thing. That was my one shot at stardom. ;)

4.I don't really have a fourth job. I've done odd jobs here and there, but I've never been paid:)

4 Movies I'd Watch Over and Over Again:

1. American President
2. Pride and Prejudice
3. Sleepless in Seattle
4. Pirates of the Carribean

4 Places I Have Lived:

1. Montesano
2. Germany
3. Lake Nawhatzel
4. Boise (next month)

(Lots of people's houses back and forth).

4 People I Email, Text, or Call Almost Daily

1. Josh- Call and Text
2. My mom
3. Danae: Myspace
4. My Mother-In-Law

4 Places I Would Rather Be:

1. Home with Josh
2.Paris
3. Italy
4. Together with the whole family.

4 Things I Look Forward To This Year:

1. Staying in one spot for more than a month and a half.
2. Having our own apartment
3. Josh getting to start work on something he's excited about.
4. Working on my photography and hopefully getting a few more jobs!

Some Days I Feel Like A Genius

Which doesn't happen often. I've come to realize that I am probably the most stubborn person. I absolutely hate asking for help. I don't know why, but I always choose to suffer through things without asking for someone to tell me how to do it. There are days when I get totally down on myself because I am trying to figure out how to do all that website building, photography skill learning/graphic designing stuff by myself. I sit here most of the day trying to learn new things with no actual proof that I've figured something out on my own. Today, I did. I talked about triumphs today, yes this is small, but makes me soooo happy to have figured it out all by myself with just a help button on Blogger. I put music on my blog. I didn't ask a human, I figured it out on my own. Feelin good today! Well, it's 9:30 so, I'm feeling like I've had an epiphany as of now!

Well, gotta go try to figure some more stuff out!

Alyssa

Yesterday Was My Day

Actually... Yesterday was so not my day. Like I said, I didn't fall asleep until 2:30 in the morning yesterday morning. Which means, I knew yesterday would be a total gem of a day. But, unlike most days when it's my day to be miserable, I didn't let it bother me. I was totally determined not to let things get to me... And they didn't. I have triumphed. Even if it was just a small triumph, I'm slowly chipping away at a few of my downfalls.

So, I rolled out of bed at 5:30. Why is it that 5 o'clock in the evening takes so long to get to, but 5 o'clock in the morning seems to arrive so quickly. Is that some weird joke God likes to play on us? I think so:) Not an our and a half later, and I found that my laptop, the one that I bought before I flew to Germany last year, and one I've never been happy with, pooped out on me. Screen black, something about "drive incompatibility" and it's blocked. Among numerous other things, I can't have internet explorer, I can't download pictures to certain websites, and my driver won't play cd's, just dvds. But, I calmly took it down to my mother-in-law, and she took it to a guy she knows. I can't edit photos from the photoshoot. I will have to put the photos on my mom's computer tomorrow when I'm down.

And the peak of my day! When I realized before I walked into work, I had stepped in dog poo! It was only 10:30, the day hadn't even started yet. Surprisingly the day ended up being okay! We'll see how today goes. It's all about frame of mind isn't it? Last night I passed out when Josh and I went to bed. I slept from 9:45-4:11 without waking up. I've got so much sleep to catch up on, though, I'll need a few more nights of sleep. Tomorrow night though, Josh is having boys night. Which means, I have to stay in town, I'm kicked out of my house, and he's going to be drinking... All... Night... Long. I thought that kind of stuff was supposed to stop after you are married. You know, those sleepovers that guys have when they drink themselves into a coma. Well, I get to go see a play tomorrow night. :) So I guess I will be having fun too. But, sleep I'm sure will just be a memory, I can't sleep without Josh. I'm a loser!!

I painted last night, one thing I love about painting, I can paint right over something I don't like. It might take a few coats, depending on the color, but there is no evidence of it being there. I've always had a problem trying to figure out what I want to draw, or what I want to paint. For the last few days I've had an idea, but when I did it last night, it wasn't what I wanted. Inspiration is failing to come to me, I'm trying to recreate some semblance of a good painting, I don't know though. I'm having some difficulties. I guess paintings down really get all done in one night, it takes a long time. I'm just having a block I guess.

Oh! The other day I got my plate back from The Painted Plate. Hate it, terrible. I'm going to go back and make more stuff. It was my first one, it happens.:) You know though, they should wrap up the plates when they put them in a brown bag. Especially if there is more than one! All of our plates are chipped. Boo:(

I found this great thing on someone elses blog, but I don't know how to post a link within a post. Could anyone help me out?

Well, Friday is here! Yay! Everyone enjoy the day!

Alyssa

Sleep Deprivation

I don't know what's wrong with me, and I'm starting to get irritated. Do you ever have those days when you are exhausted and can't wait to go to sleep and then when you get into bed you can do nothing but think about other things that need to be done? Even if I don't have anything that needs to be done I still find myself lying awake at night staring into the darkness, and listening to that incessant snoring sound Josh makes when he sleeps on his back.

It's really starting to drive me crazy. It hasn't been just one or two days of this. It hasn't even been just one or two weeks. It's been at the very least three weeks... probably closer to a month or more. What happened to me? I've never been a good sleeper, it's just the way I am. But I'm running on 3 to 4 hours a sleep a night, if I'm that lucky. What's the deal here?! I started to thinking last night, I have a wild imagination mind you, about the movie Secret Window. Have you ever seen it? It's that one with Johnny Depp, yes, I'm a fan... Anyway, he becomes so sleep deprived, and depressed that he forms this completely seperate second personality. He ends up scaring himself, and his ex-wife, but ends up killing both her, and her new husband. I can't help but lie awake at night thinking I'm going to go nutty like that. It would be my luck that something like that would happen.

Which then a chain of thoughts goes through my head, all the terrible things I can think of. Then I think I hear things, and 10:30 turns into 2 o'clock, and then before I know it, it's five in the morning and the alarm is going off. And the day starts and then ends the same way. I am exhausted, but my body just won't shut down.

And then, and then. My laptop.... UGH, I could scream. It's going down on me, I've had it for a year and 2 weeks. Never again will I buy an HP. My brother has the same one, and his is worse off, and my husband has the same one, that he just got, against my suggestion to buy a different one, and they are all not working right. Can someone just hand me a few thousand dollars so I can go buy an Apple Desktop Computer. I don't have extra money for that right now. Could you help a girl out? :)

Good thing is, it's Thursday which means tomorrow is Friday! Sorry about the boring, whiney blog today. Hopefully I will have something more interesting to say in a day or so.

Have a Wonderful Thursday!

Alyssa

What I've Learned So Far...

Oh Wednesdays middle of the week, but still that day where you are just out of reach of the weekend. We've climbed the hill and are now at the top of the week. The rest of the week is a descent to the weekend. That doesn't mean that Thursdays and Fridays are a breeze, but aren't those days a little bit sweeter than the days that start the week?

So, today is Josh's birthday, like I said yesterday, he was gone last year. He hasn't spent his birthday in the same country since he was 18 years old. He's an old 22 today, oh it feels so good to be young. Haha. I'm sitting here today, just like I do everyday... BLAH, creating things in my mind, and every once in awhile a good idea pops up. So I thought about what I wanted to blog about today last night while I was painting.

What have I learned so far.... So far in what? The last twenty years of my life, no, that would consist of too many little bulleted marks, or numbers. Who wants a list? Yes, maybe some of it would be amusing, but boring after awhile. No, I'm thinking I will talk about what I've learned from not only being married, but marrying so young, and deciding to marry someone so quickly after dating.

Josh and I moved in together a year ago next Sunday. Sin of sins I know. I pray God will forgive me. Learning to live together is hard enough, but we learned to live together in a different country.

Now the point of this blog is to tell you things that I've learned in the short amount of time I've been with Josh. I may not take my own advice. Yes, this is a case of do as I say not as I do. Try to save yourself the frustration that I have laid on myself. Don't sweat the small stuff like I do, it takes up so much of my time. :)

A few things I've learned:

Rewording a statement when you want something means the difference between getting it, or having an argument. (What do I mean by that?): Instead of saying, "Hand me that fork." I try to say, "Can you hand me that fork, please." Josh had a little bit of an issue with this while we were in Germany. I felt like he was demanding rather than asking. He had been getting and giving orders for so long in the army, he really didn't notice he was doing it. He's so great now!

Don't go back behind them and fix everything they've done "wrong." Early in our relationship Josh would help me fold clothes. He still does, but the difference now is that when he folds a towel a different way than I do, I leave it. I made the boy feel bad! Don't make them not want to help anymore, no they aren't really creating more work for you, just leave it. It's so nice that they help, don't get stressed over the little stuff. I still do sometimes, but really, does it matter if the towels are folded spa style or not? No.

The work clothes will never be scraped of dirt, and they will always end up in the middle of the living room floor, not in the laundry room where they should be. I've asked a few times, and it never happens. Josh passes the washer and dryer and plops them right on the floor next to the couch! Not worried about it anymore! I just laugh.

When I clean the house, I don't want him to help, because sometimes they do help, and don't create work, but there are those times when walking around them, does get hard. Let me clean by myself, and when I say I'm good to do it by myself. Believe me, cleaning makes me feel good, but when I ask for help, I really need help. I'm not doing it to make you mad. :)

I'm still trying to learn not to let things that Josh says bother me. You know, those sarcastic comments I'm not in the mood for. It's a hard one for me. I have so much learning to do.

Men will always dig themselves a hole... One that gets deeper and deeper when they make a comment that was bad, and they try to make it better. Sometimes these things are just hilarious. Josh asked me a few weeks ago after I got back from the doctor, How much weight have you gained?" Wrong thing to say.

Just a few things I've learned. I'm sure more to come. I'm still learning how not to get instantly mad. I think that's a Toyra trait. I love my father, but it took two seconds to get mad. Hey, me too!

The beauty of any relationship is the work that you put into it to get results. It may take me 100 years to figure it out. I may never have it figured out, but I'm glad I've got my partner in crime to figure it out with. My prayer is that everyone finds their perfect partner, just like I have found mine.

Have a blessed Wednesday!

Love,

Alyssa

Adventures in being married

I haven't been married for long, just over three months to be exact, so I'm pretty sure I can't start doling out advice to singles or couples of any status... But I can tell my little stories to amuse myself, and maybe someone else that takes a peek at this along the way.

So like I said last week, we moved back to the lake from Josh's grandparents house. It was nice to be in town, but sometimes it is more relaxing to be settled among your own mess and your own stuff. Do you know what I mean? We've spent so much time shuffling back and forth for the last year we never know where we are going to be for sure from one week to the next. Josh and I go where the wind goes. Our stuff is still spread out among three houses. The lake, my mom's and Josh's parents.

Oh, and there are a few "borrowed" items of mine and Josh's that were left behind in Germany. Ahem, a movie of mine that someone snatched from Josh's room in the barracks, and Josh's Mallorca T-shirt.

*Danae, if you see a red t-shirt with a black bull on it, that says Mallorca, can you let me know. Josh won't let it go. He's truly depressed over the fact that someone snatched it from his room. I really don't think Domingo would be wearing it:)*

Back to the "move back" We decided to unload only part of the stuff from my car, which might I add, I had packed up ALL of the stuff myself, and loaded into the car. My beautiful husband had his little in-grown toe nails removed so his toes hurt. I feel bad, but seriously, I had to load heavy things back into the car while he played video games on his laptop. He'd wave to me every time I struggled to carry another load out to the car. Ah, husbands, what would we do without them?

Like I was saying, we decided to leave part of the load in the car, so we didn't have such a mess in our house, a small area might I add, it's a lake house, it's not supposed to be huge. Where does it get thrown? Not in the rooms it will end up in, no... no... no. Why would we try to create less work for your wife? Nope, it gets thrown right in the middle of the "living room/ dining room/ kitchen floor. I love it!

Messes are my absolute favorite. I love to clean, don't get me wrong, but I just hate unpacking and cleaning up after we've been somewhere. Is anyone else with me? I cleaned up both loads by myself... It took me two days. Ladies, you know how I feel, and yes, sometimes I feel sorry for myself. You know how it is. Then when I ask for help to clean up something, I'm a mean person! :)

But there are some days when I am the nicest person in the world. Yesterday was one of those days. Josh's birthday is tomorrow, March 5th, last year, I didn't get to spend his birthday with him. Josh was in Germany, and I was at home, the story of our relationship. I would arrive 11 days later. This year, we are together, it's so nice to be able to say that we have spent the special times together. It's a hard thing to say when you are a girlfriend, fiancee, or wife of a soldier. So, this year, I wanted to get something good, something he would be surprised about, but what would I get him? He mentioned something about undershirts, and something about a cool first aid kit that he saw on an army supply website. What kind of gifts are those, if you really wanted them that bad, go buy a bag of undershirts! What a boring gift for me to give.

I totally didn't plan to ruin my love life with the present I gave Josh yesterday, but it was something he wanted so badly, something he knew he absolutely wouldn't get. That unreachable gift that you ask for knowing there is no way your wife would get it for her, not if she is in her right mind anyway. I decided on a whim to get him that gift that every guy wants... I caved against my better judgment and I got him an XBOX 360. What was I thinking. As I'm buying it at Best Buy yesterday. It was a joint give from my mom and me, I was kissing goodbye quiet nights relaxing at the lake, and cuddling up watching movies together because we don't have cable or internet. Goodbye peace and quiet, hello Call of Duty 37 or whatever number they are at, and hello it the electronic sounds of men yelling orders and gun shots. Ah, silence is fleeting.

I am reminded that I am a wonderful wife everyday, but yesterday, I made his year, and his birthday by buying him a small box that I believe somehow drains knowledge from your brain! I felt good yesterday, great actually. I am wife of the year. And it only cost $450 dollars to get to that point! And I'm ahead of the game, not even four months married! Have I hit my amazing wife peak? I hope not:) He asked if that means I want diamonds for my birthday this year. I said, well, twenty one is pretty big. I'm always up for diamonds... any jewelry is good to, but I won't be disappointed if I'm not swimming in diamonds and pearls come August:) I didn't do it so I could get something out of giving him a good gift. I gave it to him to make him happy, to see him completely excited.

That's what we do as wives, we think of our husbands first. We aren't just living for ourselves anymore. I think we as women learn more quickly that a marriage is not a me thing, but a we thing... An us thing... Decisions are no longer about one, they are about two. Helping Josh learn that has been a task, a task that is sometimes fruitless, but one day, I think he will come around... It takes longer for men I think, to see what we see. Here's to women! It's beautiful being one isn't?! Hard but beautiful. Aren't we amazing?

Have a blessed day!

Alyssa