You Need A New Mirror!

I don't use the word hate very often, because I don't hate alot of things, but one thing I hate most in the world is putting on a pair of jeans right out of the dryer. Now yes, I have had a long battle with baggy pants. Have you ever heard Jeff Foxworthy talk about old men having no butts? When they stand they look like a frog with slacks on? Have you heard that bit? Well, that's me in a nutshell. I have no but, I'm just legs, so by some, I am affectionately called "blegs" think about it. If my life was broken down into moments I spend time doing each thing during the day, like that study on how long people spend in their cars. Most of my time would be spend either hiking up my pants, or how many times a day they fall down.


My lovely sister-in-law has even commented before on the little hitch in my giddyup that I do when I walk and hike up my pants. "Why not get a belt?" You ask. Well, my pants are so big that wearing a belt would allow them to pucker and add a cute little overlap, plus belts hurt me. This is probably why I stuck to leggings and body suits when I was a child. That or my mother wanted me to pee my pants at school because I had thrown a fit about going to school that day. Have you ever tried to undo those little snaps while dancing around in the bathroom? It was a frequent for me. The bonus of wearing those body suits? No tucking your shirt in, you never had to worry about it. Seems great right? Except for the few times I forgot to button them again, and pull my pants back over them,. Sure I pulled my pants back up, but I always forgot those snaps... Therefore, leaving it unattached with a flap in the back and one in the front, displaying the nice silvery snaps around my belly button. Imagine the embarassment at 6. Oh the glory of being a child. I revelled in it, can you tell?


Anway, back to my original subject. I hate too tight pants. Well, this weekend when we left for our trip over to Coeur d' Alene to see Katie, I threw on a pair of newly washed and dried jeans. As usually I practically had to dive into them. I had a flash of Olivia Newton-John in her leather get up in Grease. I felt like I had to be sewn into my pants... This would take a long time to do everyday, and on Saturday morning, I really didn't have time for that. So like usual I did a few stretches with them on... Sad that to get comfortable in my pants I do a few lunges and squats... I can't be the only woman that does this. I was having trouble inhaling, and thought, "Well this is going to be uncomfortable for the plane ride." That little rise of panic came into me, that feeling that 99% of women get... "Oh crap, I've gained weight." There's nothing like it. The world stops spinning at that exact moment.


I couldn't weigh myself, we don't have a scale. And besides, I've banned myself from weighing myself because at one point I weighed myself three times a day to see if I'd gained anything after I'd eaten. A whole other subject we won't get into. I haven't weighed myself in months, I try not to worry anymore, it's unhealthy for me. So now that weighing myself to console myself was out, I worried about it all day... Don't you hate when something so small worries you for the rest of the day? We moved Katie into her apartment in CDA and I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. Of course I looked at myself in the mirror to see if I was presentable. My jaw dropped open. I looked like a cow! You know those terribly cheap mirrors that distort just enough to make you feel bad about yourself? I looked at myself one more time in the mirror and shook my head. I walked out of the bathroom and said, "Katie needs a new mirror!" If it were up to me, I would have been in there with a screwdriver dismantling it while everyone else was putting together the furniture in the living room. No one would have noticed me carry out a big piece, of "glass" (I don't think it was even really glass) out of the apartment, and dumping it into the big dumpster outside... What kind of person puts a carnival mirror in a bathroom? Or maybe it was just me;)

So what was the first thing I did when I got home Sunday morning? I ran into the bathroom to see if I was as huge as the day before. Imagine my relief when looked normal. I said a prayer of thanks to God, that saved me alot of stress. The only problem was, my pants were still tight. So, on tuesday afternoon, I went and bought myself some yoga dvd's, swearing that I would use them... Day one, ab yoga for begginers! Today, either upper or lower body yoga, for begginers. Just think of all the side effects of putting on a pair of jeans... The possibilities are endless!